


Four New Year's Resolutions John Breaks, And One He Doesn't

by ras_elased



Category: SGA - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-30
Updated: 2006-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-11 13:29:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ras_elased/pseuds/ras_elased
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year, John makes a New Year's resolution regarding his feelings for Rodney. Somehow, it never quite goes as he's planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four New Year's Resolutions John Breaks, And One He Doesn't

**Author's Note:**

> Started as a simple five things meme and an excuse to write John being jealous and angsty over Katie, (who is apparently still/once again 'dining' with Rodney) and sort of…grew. I kind of experimented a little with parts of this, and I futzed with the episode timeline a little. Meh. *shrug*

  
  
  
  
  


**Entry tags:**

| 

  
[fic: 5 new year's resolutions...](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/fic%3A%205%20new%20year%27s%20resolutions...), [genre: 5 things](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%205%20things), [genre: angst](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20angst), [genre: drama](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20drama), [genre: romance](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20romance), [genre: ust](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20ust), [pairing: mcshep](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/pairing%3A%20mcshep), [rating: nc-17](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/rating%3A%20nc-17)  
  
  
---|---  
  
_   
**Four New Year's Resolutions John Breaks, And One He Doesn't**   
_

Title: Four New Year's Resolutions John Breaks, And One He Doesn't

Author: Ras Elased

Rating: NC-17

Word count: ~4125

Spoilers: Trinity, Tao of Rodney, The Game, S4 casting spoilers

Warnings: Slash, angst, schmoopiness galore

Summary: Every year, John makes a New Year's resolution regarding his feelings for Rodney. Somehow, it never quite goes as he's planned.  


Author's notes: Started as a simple five things meme and an excuse to write John being jealous and angsty over Katie, (who is apparently still/once again 'dining' with Rodney) and sort of…grew. I kind of experimented a little with parts of this, and I futzed with the episode timeline a little. Meh. *shrug*

~~~

 

  
2005:

 

The people of M8X-343 are either deaf, in desperate need of trade from the Lanteans, or just really, really mellow. Judging by the strength of their home-brewed ale, John's betting on the last option.

 

There is no other explanation for the entire population of the village not batting an eye as Rodney and Ford sing a very loud, very drunk, and _very_ off-key rendition of Auld Lang Syne. While the villagers seem amused at the floor show, Teyla is giving John that look that says, 'I have traded with many worlds and seen many strange things, but your culture baffles even me.'

 

They had been sitting around the fire with their new trading partners when John happened to mention that tonight was New Year's Eve. This of course led to the subsequent explanation of traditions surrounding the holiday, including yearly resolutions, kisses at midnight, and drunken singing in the streets. John feels justified in blaming Teyla, because she should have known better than to ask to hear the song.

 

Casting her a dark look, John gets unsteadily to his feet and begins the valiant attempt to save everyone's eardrums, walking tipsily over to the pair who are currently mumbling through the lyrics they can't seem to remember. He manages to remove Rodney's arm from its companionable grip on Ford's shoulder and slings it around his own instead, Teyla thanking their hosts and doing the same with Ford, and they begin the slow, drunken lurch back to their rooms for the night. The singing continues, and now they're not even keeping time with each other, leading to an impromptu round that sounds suspiciously like half-strangled cats singing Row Your Boat. Rolling his eyes, John shoulders open the door and drags Rodney inside, Ford's voice fading out as Teyla does the same in their own room. Blessedly, Rodney's voice drops off too, turning into a mess of slurred lyrics that only vaguely resemble human speech. By the time John flops Rodney onto his bed he's given up on singing all together in favor of asking, "Major, what was your New Year's resolution?"

 

John drops Rodney's left shoe to the floor and begins working on the right. "What?"

 

"Your resolution, what is it? I mean, you know mine—"

 

John snorts. "I hardly think you'll get the Nobel while stuck in another galaxy." The right shoe joins its partner on the floor.

 

Rodney just plows on, oblivious. "And Teyla said she wanted to spend more time on the mainland, and Ford was surprisingly candid, although I don't know how he expects to be taken more seriously as a soldier when he acts like a Labrador puppy on speed—"

 

"McKay," John warns.

 

"What? He _does_," Rodney objects petulantly, watching as John removes his Beretta from his thigh holster, checking the safety and setting it on the bedside table. As John pulls away, Rodney's hand suddenly snatches his wrist. His grip is sloppy and loose from the alcohol, but it sends tingles up the length of his arm, making him freeze. He waits a few seconds for Rodney to tell him what he wants, but then realizes that in true McKay fashion, he's gone from awake to comatose in zero point three seconds, and he smirks down at Rodney's slack expression.

 

He means to pull away, he really does…but then he just…stays there. John knows he's been nursing a rather embarrassing and completely juvenile crush for a while now, but it has a tendency to sneak up on him at times like this. Mostly John's been able to repress and deny for the sake of their friendship.

 

It's been years since John's allowed himself to be close enough to anyone to call it friendship, so he really has no idea how one arrogant, overbearing scientist managed to bludgeon his way past all of John's defenses and become not just a friend, but his _best_ friend, not that John would ever call him that to his face. John recognizes how rare and important that is, and he's willing to shove whatever else he's feeling into the Black Box of Denial if it means he won't lose this.

 

John's watch beeps the hour mark from under Rodney's slack fingers. Midnight. He gives Rodney's sleeping face a hard look. He knows Rodney doesn't wake easily, it would be so easy to just lean over and…John reluctantly slides his arm away and moves to his own sleeping bag across the room, cool air brushing against the patches of warmth Rodney's fingers had left on his skin. He blows out the candle on his way, then lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. In the darkness, John makes a silent resolution not to let his feelings for McKay interfere with their friendship.

 

 

  
2006:

 

The champagne's been flowing freely for a couple of hours now, and John wonders idly how Elizabeth managed to sell that kind of expense to the brass in Washington. Beside him, he watches Rodney from the corner of his eye. While they haven't exactly avoided each other since Doranda, their friendship has been…strained, at best.

 

John didn't even realize how deeply he'd come to depend on Rodney until he couldn't anymore. Not because he didn't trust Rodney's judgment, although that was part of it, but because he didn't trust his own, at least when it concerned Rodney. He was agonizingly aware of how far he'd let the whole thing go just because it was _Rodney_ who was doing the asking. John still couldn't pinpoint when his feelings for Rodney had morphed from simple friendship to something sharper, deeper, less well-defined. But by the time they'd weathered Arcturus, it was clear that John was thinking with his heart instead of his head, and that was something he just couldn't do, not with his people's lives hanging in the balance.

 

The countdown begins, and John casually joins in, listening to Rodney do the same. Three. Two. One. The room erupts in a cheerful chorus of "Happy New Year!" and John turns to Rodney with a smile he hopes is genuine, at least as genuine as the mild grin Rodney offers him, then turns back to the crowded Gate room, the fuzzy harmonics of Auld Lang Syne filtering out over the PA system in the background. The room is full of half-drunk well wishers throwing confetti and blowing party horns and grabbing the nearest available body for a midnight kiss, ranging from a quick peck to what looks like Cadman bending Carson over backwards and shoving her tongue down his throat.

 

John turns towards Rodney again, expecting to share an eyeroll of mutual disgust, but that proves to be an incredibly bad, awful, _stupid_ move as their eyes meet and John's mouth goes completely dry. His eyes immediately snap back to the celebrating crowd. He swallows a few times, hard, feeling his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he desperately tries to look like he _didn't_ just picture wrapping his hands around his best friend's jaw, tipping his head back and claiming his mouth in a slow, passionate kiss.

 

Rodney clears his throat, both of them carefully looking at the crowd instead of each other. "So…" he states flatly, "This is awkward." John makes a noncommittal noise of agreement, and after a few seconds Rodney turns to John with a frown, genuinely curious. "_Why_ is this awkward?"

 

John emits a half-hysterical snort, but at that moment Teyla comes to his rescue. Beautiful, wonderful, amazing Teyla who plants a kiss on each of their cheeks and wishes them both a happy new year, effectively diffusing the situation by distracting Rodney and making him blush.

 

Later, in his quarters, John remembers that moment. The high flush on Rodney's cheeks, his blue eyes wide in astonishment, crooked mouth formed into an 'oh' of surprise, and he steadfastly refuses to palm his dick through his pants. As he lies on his back, gripping the edges of his mattress with white knuckles, John admits that maybe this thing he's feeling has gotten a little out of control. It's now too big to fit neatly into John's black box in his mind, instead reaching out and impairing John's judgment, making him want to do completely inappropriate things like kiss his very male teammate in the middle of a crowd of drunken marines, and say yes to ridiculous requests like building Ancient energy weapons just to see the way Rodney's face lights up. He can see trouble looming on the horizon, so he makes up his mind to get over it, pronto. He firmly resolves to do whatever it takes to keep this from developing any more than it already has, and if possible, curb it entirely.

 

 

  
2007:

 

John sullenly takes a drink of his champagne, watching from across the room as Rodney talks to Elizabeth, Radek, and Katie Brown. Rodney's hand has been resting on the small of Katie's back for the past seven minutes.

 

John blames the Ascension machine. Apparently, Katie had been on Rodney's long mental list of people he had unfinished business with, and he had gone to her quarters to tell her that he was sorry they'd never really gotten a chance together, that he'd never worked up the nerve to ask her on a second date. He'd left it at that, but a few days after he'd been released from the infirmary, Katie had apparently decided he _still_ wasn't going to work up the nerve, and had asked him to dinner herself.

 

Rodney had told him all this over lunch, adding in that slightly introspective way he'd developed since nearly ascending, "It seems only natural to accept. I mean, you never know, we might even grow to…Well, the point is, I've realized life's too short to spend alone. As was demonstrated by the whole nearly dying thing."

 

John felt his shoulders tense into hard knots. He wanted to scream at Rodney until his voice cracked, to say, 'You don't need to remind me, I was there! I watched you die, there was nothing _near_ about it for me! For a half second, I thought you were dead, and I will _never_ be able to survive that feeling if it happens again!' Instead, he shrugged one shoulder and said, "Cool. Have fun."

 

John had resolved to keep this thing with McKay from going any further, so imagine his surprise when he woke up one morning to discover he'd gone from merely wanting Rodney in his life to needing him in a very real, visceral, terrifying way, the way he needs air or sunlight or flying. If John hadn't already known how deeply screwed he was, then nearly losing Rodney would have done it. So while John has come to the realization that he's found the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, Rodney is still looking for that person for himself. The knowledge that it won't be John is almost as destructive as the thought of losing Rodney for real.

 

The countdown is loud in the room, but John can still hear when Katie laughs at something that Rodney's said, soft and tinkling and genuine, and John watches as his eyes go wide and bright with surprise and self doubt. Then Rodney melts into a hesitant smile, and John knows he can never begrudge Rodney this. And if he has to choose between having Rodney as his lifelong friend or not having Rodney in his life at all, well…that's not really much of a choice.

 

The countdown ends and Rodney leans over to give Katie a tentative, chaste kiss, and John can't help but wonder what those lips would feel like pressed against his. He downs the rest of his champagne and sets the empty glass on a nearby table, clenching his jaw as he leaves the room, the sounds of celebration fading behind him. Although John knows by now that it's damned impossible to ignore his own feelings, he resolves to at least be happy for them.

 

He's pretty sure he's broken that resolution before he's even finished making it.

 

 

  
2008:

 

John isn't surprised when Rodney never shows up at the party. After the results of his latest head-to-head with Colonel Carter, he really can't blame Rodney for wanting to quietly lick his wounds in peace. John is perfectly content to let Rodney hide out in his lab, but when Teyla says, "It would be nice if Rodney were here," for the tenth time, she looks directly at John and quirks an eyebrow, and he caves.

 

He reaches Rodney's lab and hovers in the doorway for a few seconds, taking in the way the blue-green glow of the laptop monitor makes the dark circles under Rodney's eyes stand out. "Was there something you needed, Sheppard?" he snaps without looking up.

 

John carefully schools the concern from his features, because the last thing Rodney needs right now is one more person handling him with kid gloves. "Not really. Teyla sent me."

 

Rodney actually looks up at that, his eyes wide and earnest and carrying an undercurrent of his wounded pride. "Oh, well, that's very…But I'd really rather…" He motions vaguely to the computer, which John can only assume is running simulations on the last bits of data gathered before their little science project went south.

 

"I know. I don't plan to drag you off to wear funny hats or sing Scottish poetry or anything," John says, then plops himself on the stool next to Rodney, snagging the uneaten half of Rodney's sandwich from his plate.

 

Rodney makes the expected sputtering noises as John takes the biggest bite he can manage. "Don't you have a party to get back to?" Rodney gripes.

 

"Are you kidding?" John asks around a mouthful of – blech – bologna. He swallows with a grimace. "Teyla will kick my ass with large sticks if I head back there without you. I figured I'd just hang out here for a bit." And, just to piss Rodney off, he takes another large bite of his sandwich and grins, smears of mustard on his teeth. Rodney makes a vaguely disgusted noise and snatches his sandwich back, moving it to the opposite side of his computer, out of John's reach.

 

They spend a long time in companionable silence, having already dealt with the post-mission fallout in their own special way, during a mildly uncomfortable conversation in the mess after the debriefing.

 

_"You know, if you wanted to start taking Sam on more missions…I mean, she's got ten years of field experience at the SGC, and after today, well…I'd understand if you—"_

 

_"Don't be stupid, McKay," John blurts, face scrunched in an incredulous expression._

 

_Rodney blinks, then lets his down-turned mouth slide into the hint of a smile. "Isn't that usually my line?"_

 

So John idly thumbs through the golf magazine he keeps in Rodney's desk drawer for just such an occasion, and Rodney sips his coffee, the lab quiet except for the calm hum of machinery and the sporadic tapping of Rodney's fingers on the keys. John likes to think that he's the only one who gets to see this side of Rodney, the peaceful, muted side that he doubts even Katie got a chance to experience during their on again, off again relationship, and he's more than content to just sit and soak it in. He's learned to be appreciative of their time together, however they spend it.

 

John is hunched over his half of Rodney's desk, his forearms resting flat against the cool metal surface, magazine gripped loosely between both hands. He doesn't know how long they've been sitting there, but he's over two-thirds through his magazine when Rodney sets down his coffee cup, grazing his knuckles against the back of John's hand, and he freezes. It was an accident, it must have been, but Rodney makes no effort to move his hand away. The lab goes unnaturally still, the air thick around them, and John wonders if Rodney can tell he's stopped breathing. John stares blankly at his magazine, and Rodney doesn't resume typing. The world seems to stop spinning for a moment, time itself hanging on by its fingernails in anticipation. Then slowly, ever so slowly, John brushes his index finger along the back of Rodney's knuckles, hooking his finger gently around Rodney's. John can feel the blood rushing in his ears, the steady thrum-thrum loud enough to drown out the buzz of machinery, as Rodney's thumb brushes almost imperceptibly over the back of his first knuckle.

 

Without moving his head, John's eyes flick to their joined hands, and he feels like he can't look away. The touch is light, just two fingers curled around each other, but it makes him want to jump on top of the lab table and whoop with joy.

 

They stay like that a while, the universe narrowed down to that one pinpoint of contact, then John hears Teyla's voice buzz in his ear. "John, where are you? The countdown will begin shortly, do you and Rodney not wish to come join the party?"

 

John opens his mouth to say that hell no, he's staying right where he is, but Rodney beats him to the punch. "We'll be right there, Teyla."

 

John tries not to look stricken, but he imagines he fails. He can hear the smile in Teyla's voice as she chirps, "Rodney, I am glad you have decided to join us."

 

"Yeah, well…" John can hear Rodney's uncertainty. "I think I've got a reason to celebrate."

 

John's head snaps up at that, looking up at Rodney for the first time since their hands touched. He meets smiling blue eyes and an infectious grin that he can't help but match. Rodney squeezes their finger a little tighter as Teyla says, "Good. I will see you both in a few minutes."

 

Walking through the corridors, John resolves to at least wait until after the countdown before he gives in to the hum in his skin, the desire to drag Rodney off to some dark, secluded corner and kiss him so senseless he can't even remember his own name. But at 11:59, when their lips meet for the first time, it's better than anything John ever imagined, and he can't quite bring himself to feel guilty about it.

 

 

  
2009:

 

Outside their small hut, the sounds of laughter and music drift through the walls. The people of M8X-343 are joyfully celebrating the anniversary of their trade agreement, but John is completely focused on the body before him. Soft, thick fingers trace along his ribs, making John shudder and moan, pressing another slow, heated kiss to Rodney's mouth beneath him. Their golden skin dances in the soft glow coming from the small fire that flickers in the corner, its heat and the soft blankets wrapped around their bodies combining to ward off the chill night air.

 

John licks his way inside Rodney's mouth and gives another languid, torturously slow thrust of his hips, his erection cradled in the sweat-slicked groove where Rodney's thigh meets hip. He feels the head of Rodney's own hard cock brush against his stomach, leaving a trail of cooling fluid in its wake as it drags along the soft hair and skin of his belly.

 

John loves this, the slow build in their lovemaking that they so rarely allow themselves. He loves that he can read every signal of Rodney's body like an open book, that he knows exactly what kind of sound Rodney will make when he gently nibbles that soft patch of skin just above his collarbone, that he has sense-memory of what Rodney's salty skin tastes like on his tongue. He loves that Rodney can unerringly find each one of John's hot spots and knows just how to play his touch-starved body to get the reaction he wants, and how every touch tells John how Rodney feels, without the need for words. After a year together, they've reached the point where their bodies belong to each other as much as themselves.

 

Rodney's thighs are strong and solid around his hips, anchoring John for each long, deliberate thrust, pleasure and heat pooling in his belly with every rock of his hips. Rodney slides his broad palms up John's back, tracing his spine with his fingertips, over the sharp cut of John's shoulder blades. They come to rest at the base of John's neck, threading through his dark hair and making John sigh into Rodney's mouth. The tips of their tongues meet, a lingering touch before John opens wide and sucks Rodney's tongue into his mouth. Rodney's fingertips dig into the back of John's skull as he presses Rodney further into the mattress with each thrust. John can feel himself approaching the edge, lost in the feeling of Rodney's warmth beneath him, wrapped around him, but he tries to hold on, to draw out the pleasure, wishing they could stay in this moment just a little longer.

 

Then Rodney's hands leave John's neck, slipping under the blankets to palm the curve of his ass, pulling John hard against him as he arches up into the next thrust, and John gives in. His orgasm washes over him, coming in waves that remind him of the gentle pull of tides on Atlantis. His cock pulses as he continues to rock into the embrace of Rodney's thighs, his come spilling in leisurely spurts onto Rodney's stomach and hip. He looks directly into Rodney's eyes as he comes, like he always has, his soul open and bare, wanting to show Rodney everything he could never put into words even if he tried. And he knows Rodney understands, every time, because when he's done, Rodney pulls him into a kiss that is so much more than just the gentle meeting of lips.

 

Sated and loose, John twines their fingers together and kisses his way down Rodney's body, throat and chest and stomach. John releases one of Rodney's hands and wraps his palm around Rodney's still hard cock, tenderly caressing the shaft and running his thumb over the head, watching Rodney's eyes go a little glassy and unfocused at the touch. He leans down over Rodney's stomach, lips meeting soft flesh as he kisses and licks away his own come from Rodney's body, his mouth watering as the salty, bitter taste of himself mixes with the taste of Rodney's skin. His tongue leaves trails of saliva that cool in the night air, becoming gooseflesh. By the time John has licked his skin clean, Rodney's breath is shuddering in his chest, barely holding back from just shoving his cock through John's fist. John's other hand still lies tangled with Rodney's in the bed sheets.

 

When John wraps his lips around the head of Rodney's cock, he dips his tongue into the slit, drawing a breathy whimper from Rodney before he sucks his way down the shaft. He can feel how close Rodney is, cock throbbing in time with his pulse against John's tongue, and it only takes a few slow pulls before John has brought him over the edge. Rodney tightens his hold on John's hand, his name a whisper on Rodney's lips as he comes, spilling into John's mouth as he eagerly drinks him down.

 

When John looks up, he sees a familiar, blissed out expression on Rodney's face, and he smiles. This is something else he knows about Rodney, that nothing short of a Wraith invasion can keep him from passing out right after sex, though John sometimes doubts even that would be enough. And judging by the way Rodney's eyes have fallen closed and his limbs have gone loose and pliant, John suspects he has just enough time to crawl up the length of Rodney's body and collapse against his side, his skin warm and tingling with residual afterglow. Rodney wraps his arms around John's ribs and John mashes his face into Rodney's shoulder, trying to find a comfortable position that lets him touch as much of Rodney as possible.

 

John's watch beeps from its place on the nightstand, signaling midnight. Without moving his body, Rodney turns his head towards John and makes a demanding little "mmpf" noise. Luckily, John has learned to speak Rodney's post-coital language of grunts and sighs, so he just huffs a sleepy laugh and tilts his chin up, giving in to Rodney's demand for a midnight kiss. It is sweet and tender, and Rodney falls asleep before it ends. John sighs happily and settles further into Rodney's enveloping warmth. In the haze between awake and asleep, John resolves to spend the rest of his life where he belongs, here, in the circle of Rodney's arms.

 

It's one New Year's resolution he knows he'll keep.

 

~~~

 

The End

 

Additional A/N: My regular beta is wonderful, but she's going through some tough stuff right now, so I'm looking for a second person to be my beta on a regular basis. I'd prefer someone who can offer help on the usual: grammar, spelling, punctuation, and word choice, but who also can offer help on characterization and plot. An added bonus would be someone who's willing to cheerlead me through the mid-fic blues while also kicking my ass when something isn't working, though that's obviously not a requirement. *g* I have a few things I'm working on right now, don't know when they'll be finished, but if you're willing to take a look at them then leave me a comment. If you're new to my lj, and you would like to take a look at some of my other work to see what it's like (my older stuff is beta'd, my newer stuff isn't) then feel free to take a look around. Thanks in advance! XD  



End file.
